Tag Archives: therapy

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GROWTH IS ALWAYS DISRUPTIVE

Growth is always disruptive. By that I mean any step away from unhelpful patterns, habits, and relationships; any step toward maturity, greater wholeness, and becoming more fully yourself…will disrupt your life somehow.

Why?

Because growth gums up the unconscious management systems we’ve all built to keep ourselves safe and our interests protected. It messes up the less-than-perfect ways we relate to certain people or situations.

It’s true that growth can turn darkness into light, confinement into freedom, and ashes into beauty. But it can also turn a comfortable lifestyle into a risky adventure. It can remove the much-loved blinders that kept us from seeing the harsh glare of reality.

Movement toward God’s best version of YOU is like a tree root pushing up through the sidewalk. The stronger the tree grows, the more it breaks up the smooth path you’re used to walking on.

But grow you must, no matter the cost.

So when life feels tougher to navigate because the familiar has become unfamiliar, because your old way of doing things doesn’t work anymore, or because the crutches you depended on no longer support the weight of your best self-taking-shape, hold on to this:

All the relational tension, the vocational uncertainty, the confusion, the loneliness, the desire to runaway and hide – it all might simply mean you’re growing. You’re getting stronger. And your new life is upending the status quo.

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Here’s The Best Way To Figure Out Your Next Steps

Hint: You have to ACT in order to KNOW

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I have a bias toward inaction. Meaning I’d rather think about doing stuff than actually do stuff.

I’d rather think about making a big impact in the world than do the small, un-sexy things that actually change the world.

I’d rather imagine myself shirtless at the beach sporting tanned six-pack abs than get up early, workout, and eat less sugar.

Having recently moved to a new city, I’d rather daydream about enjoying a tight knit community than do the slow, vulnerable work of pursuing new friendships.

And when it’s come to the necessary work of figuring out what to do with my life, all that thinking-and-not-doing has often created some challenges. It’s often resulted in me running headless-chicken-like in circles, anxiously yelling about how “I’ll never amount to anything” or “why can’t I figure this out? Everyone around me seems to have already figured it out! I’m such a loser! Aaaaaaaaaaaa!”

Ever think those kinds of thoughts? Know what it’s like to get stuck at a crossroads, wondering which way is best? Ever feel like everyone around you is taking off and soaring to new horizons while you keep circling the airport over and over and over?

If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by indecision, wondering which way to go, know this:

You can only steer a car that’s moving.

 (In this metaphor, you’re the car.)

In other words, there’s no way to get where you want to go in life – or even figure out where you want to go – without some kind of forward momentum.

But if you’re like me, you want to STOP moving. You want to press pause and figure everything out before you make the choice. You want to put everything on hold until you have some guarantees about what’s on the other side of your decision.

Yes, it’s good to consider your options. It’s good to do your research. It’s good to make a pros and cons lists. It’s good to run big choices by trusted friends and family. But it’s NOT good to let your need to know the outcome paralyze you with fear:

Fear that you’ll make the wrong choice.

Fear that you’ll miss out on something better.

Fear that you’ll look like a fool to the people you respect.

But you can’t “know” if you’re not moving. You have to ACT in order to KNOW.

You have to take small steps. You have to experiment a little. You have to try things on and see what fits. You have to get your hands dirty. You have to iterate and reiterate. You have to look up the word “iterate” to make sure you’re using it correctly in a sentence.

You have to act in order to know.

So what’s one small thing you can do after reading this post that will help keep you moving?

Do it. Keep the car moving. Keep practicing your steering, braking, accelerating. Working the basics will never fail to take you someplace significant.