Here’s The Best Way To Figure Out Your Next Steps

Hint: You have to ACT in order to KNOW

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I have a bias toward inaction. Meaning I’d rather think about doing stuff than actually do stuff.

I’d rather think about making a big impact in the world than do the small, un-sexy things that actually change the world.

I’d rather imagine myself shirtless at the beach sporting tanned six-pack abs than get up early, workout, and eat less sugar.

Having recently moved to a new city, I’d rather daydream about enjoying a tight knit community than do the slow, vulnerable work of pursuing new friendships.

And when it’s come to the necessary work of figuring out what to do with my life, all that thinking-and-not-doing has often created some challenges. It’s often resulted in me running headless-chicken-like in circles, anxiously yelling about how “I’ll never amount to anything” or “why can’t I figure this out? Everyone around me seems to have already figured it out! I’m such a loser! Aaaaaaaaaaaa!

Ever think those kinds of thoughts? Know what it’s like to get stuck at a crossroads, wondering which way is best? Ever feel like everyone around you is taking off and soaring to new horizons while you keep circling the airport over and over and over?

If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by indecision, wondering which way to go, know this:

You can only steer a car that’s moving.

 (In this metaphor, you’re the car.)

In other words, there’s no way to get where you want to go in life – or even figure out where you want to go – without some kind of forward momentum.

But if you’re like me, you want to STOP moving. You want to press pause and figure everything out before you make the choice. You want to put everything on hold until you have some guarantees about what’s on the other side of your decision.

Yes, it’s good to consider your options. It’s good to do your research. It’s good to make a pros and cons lists. It’s good to run big choices by trusted friends and family. But it’s NOT good to let your need to know the outcome paralyze you with fear:

Fear that you’ll make the wrong choice.

Fear that you’ll miss out on something better.

Fear that you’ll look like a fool to the people you respect.

But you can’t “know” if you’re not moving. You have to ACT in order to KNOW.

You have to take small steps. You have to experiment a little. You have to try things on and see what fits. You have to get your hands dirty. You have to iterate and reiterate. You have to look up the word “iterate” to make sure you’re using it correctly in a sentence.

You have to act in order to know.

So what’s one small thing you can do after reading this post that will help keep you moving?

Do it. Keep the car moving. Keep practicing your steering, braking, accelerating. Working the basics will never fail to take you someplace significant.

Understanding This Is Critical To Finding And Fulfilling Your Calling

There’s a saying in architecture: Form follows function.

What that means is if you don’t get the function right (if the building’s strength, integrity, and usefulness are shaky), then it doesn’t matter how pretty the building is (what form it takes).

But when it comes to you and finding your life’s calling, the opposite is true:

Function follows form.

In other words, the form of you should determine the function of you. Lemme ‘splain.

Your unique “wiring” is something that (ideally) gives direction to your life. Along with your experiences, relationships, and opportunities, your wiring is like a built-in GPS meant to direct you toward your biggest impact in the world and greatest satisfaction with life.

It’s a guide that wants to help you get from where you are to where you most want to go.

That’s why it’s critically important to understand and own all of your unique form. You need to be able to identify why you do what you do, and how the way you do it is unique to you. That insight will help you find and follow your life’s calling.

But when we don’t understand the qualities that make us uniquely us, we tend to take on forms that are not ours. We try to “put on” someone else’s idea of the form we should have. We’re David in King Saul’s armor, awkward, weighted down, and not much good for anything.

Taking on forms that are not ours leads us into all kinds of disaster: paralyzing confusion, dead ends, unnecessary loneliness, and unrealized dreams. Nothing will take us in an unhelpful direction faster than trying to copy someone else’s form.

Now, let’s get biblical, y’all.

In the beginning, when God creates everything from nothing, the Bible says things were “without form.” Then God gave them form, and voila! Planets! Oceans! Starbucks! And when he took a good look at all those forms he’d made, God “saw that it was good.

With that in mind, try this: imagine God (or your idea of the divine) taking a good look at the utterly unique person you are. Then he pauses and says this about you: “It is goooooooood.”

In other words, your “form” is good for you and good for those around you.

Function follows form. So the next time you’re feeling lost, confused about your life’s purpose, or paralyzed with indecision while the clock ticks away, try doing the same:

Listen to what your form is telling you about what to do next.

Questions to think/talk/journal about:

  1. What other “forms” are you taking these days ? Can you see yourself as distinct from your parent’s form? Your pastor’s? Your employer’s? Your teacher’s? Your significant other’s?
  2. The only way to wholeheartedness (the Hebrew word is “shalom”) is by owning all of you. How can you more fully accept ALL of you? Are there parts being left out that need to be faced and embraced? Who can help you do that work?

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO GO TO WORK

Hint: If You Think, You're Dead

I overthink everything and it’s rarely helped me. Especially when it comes to work.

For example…

When I was in my mid-20s I had the opportunity to teach 6th grade for a year. The position was offered to me because I had been subbing at a particular school when one of their sixth grade teachers quit after her first week, and another sixth grade teacher suddenly died.

I’m afraid this was the only way I could ever have qualified; I was the last (only) man standing.

I genuinely enjoyed the students, many of whom had daddies in prison, almost all of them on government assistance, and every single one of them hilariously preteen.

I loved making them laugh, occasionally teaching them something, connecting at a heart level, and telling them goofy ghost stories at science camp.

For MLK day, I got them to march silently out of the classroom and sit outside the administration’s office, nonviolently protesting something I made up for the event. The principal (who was genuinely our “pal” and a great guy) responded by calling out threats over the school’s loudspeakers. They were all very excited about the possibility of being arrested.

At the same time, I did not enjoy going to work early every day, creating lesson plans that needed weekly approval from the princi-pal, or maintaining an organized and disciplined classroom. “Organized” and “disciplined” are not my natural way of being in the world.

I also did not like the way my classroom smelled when all 32 of them piled back into my tiny portable classroom after PE on a hot spring day.

And besides all that, there are far easier ways to make that little money. (Can I get an “amen,” teachers?)

So when my alarm went off every weekday, I spent the first 5 minutes lying in bed desperately searching for an excuse not to go to work. The possibility of slashing my own tires, breaking my own leg, or pretending someone in my immediate family had been kidnapped all seemed perfectly reasonable.

But guilt, fear, guilt, anxiety, and guilt would get to me. Somehow I’d get dressed and drive to work, cursing both under and over my breath.

When I arrived at school, I’d sit in my Suzuki Samurai (Yes! Awesome!) for another 5 minutes. Here’s where I’d pull out all the stops and start bargaining with God.

Lord, if you could just give me a mild heart attack or a slightly burst appendix, something that wouldn’t kill me but would get me into a hospital room with a nice bed and various narcotics, then I’ll never ask for anything else ever again. Well, that and a wife. It would be cool to find a wife, too. Like maybe a hot doctor or nurse I’d meet in the ER during my mild heart attack?

God would then smile at me, wink, and remind me that he loved me even when I pouted like a 3-year-old. But I still had to go to work.

And then I would NOT think about NOT working until the school day was over.

Because I was just in it, I was simply doing the work. I was just moving from one lesson plan to the next, one period to the next, trying to be as present as possible, trying to give myself some grace because the truth is I wasn’t designed to be a schoolteacher, and the other truth is, it’s REALLY, REALLY HARD TO BE A SCHOOLTEACHER.

(BTW, I have the deepest respect for the men and women who do it well, day after day, year after year. But that’s not the point, even if it should be. Here’s the point.)

When you don’t want to go to work because you hate your job, hate your boss, feel overqualified, under-qualified, or hopelessly square-pegged into a round hole, do this:

Stop thinking so much. Follow the sage advice from the groundbreaking and poignant 1980s film, Top Gun: “If you think, you’re dead.”

You get to decide where your thoughts go (you really do), and the more time you focus on what you don’t want in life, the less you’ll end up with what you do want.

Do this instead:

  • Allow the thought come to your attention (it’s there, after all – you’d better acknowledge it or it will just get louder and louder).
  • But when it shows up, don’t argue with it. Don’t try to reason with it.
  • Simply take notice of it and say something like, “Hey, negative thought about work! I see you!” Now put it back on a mental shelf somewhere. That’s all the attention it deserves.

I’m not saying that if you feel like your job is a bad fit, you should mindlessly keep doing it anyway, for the rest of your life. There’s plenty of room here for the hard work of aligning your outer world with your inner wiring. I’m just saying the only way to find your way forward is to be present to what’s in front of you RIGHT NOW.

One step at a time where you’re at NOW will get you where you want to go faster than daydreaming about greener grass. (Don’t forget that negative thoughts are just as happy to show up at your dream job.)

For me, one day of showing up turned into another, and just like that, another week was gone.

Every week I learned more about myself, what I liked and didn’t like, what I was good at and what I should steer clear of. Even better, my showing up (even reluctantly) led to some wonderful memories with both students and teachers, and the growing confidence I could do hard things even when I really, really, really didn’t want to.

I hate to say it because it sounds cliche, but it couldn’t be more true: There are deep and lasting rewards found in just showing up. In not thinking too hard and just doing the work as best you can on that particular day with whatever resources you have at hand.

I promise that’s enough to take you where your heart most wants to go.

Just six months after stumbling into my role as a school teacher, a clear next step presented itself that would lead me to a different part of the state and an honest-to-goodness dream job. One I never could have found apart from showing up every day and learning not to overthink things.

Some questions to think/pray/journal about:

  1. What’s your negative thought of choice? Mine is, “What’s the point?” It’s important you recognize yours so it doesn’t get the best of you.
  2. If you had your dream job RIGHT NOW, you’d still be the person you are RIGHT NOW. What do you need to change about YOU that will get you/keep you moving toward your goals/dreams.