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Understanding This Is Critical To Finding And Fulfilling Your Calling

There’s a saying in architecture: Form follows function.

What that means is if you don’t get the function right (if the building’s strength, integrity, and usefulness are shaky), then it doesn’t matter how pretty the building is (what form it takes).

But when it comes to you and finding your life’s calling, the opposite is true:

Function follows form.

In other words, the form of you should determine the function of you. Lemme ‘splain.

Your unique “wiring” is something that (ideally) gives direction to your life. Along with your experiences, relationships, and opportunities, your wiring is like a built-in GPS meant to direct you toward your biggest impact in the world and greatest satisfaction with life.

It’s a guide that wants to help you get from where you are to where you most want to go.

That’s why it’s critically important to understand and own all of your unique form. You need to be able to identify why you do what you do, and how the way you do it is unique to you. That insight will help you find and follow your life’s calling.

But when we don’t understand the qualities that make us uniquely us, we tend to take on forms that are not ours. We try to “put on” someone else’s idea of the form we should have. We’re David in King Saul’s armor, awkward, weighted down, and not much good for anything.

Taking on forms that are not ours leads us into all kinds of disaster: paralyzing confusion, dead ends, unnecessary loneliness, and unrealized dreams. Nothing will take us in an unhelpful direction faster than trying to copy someone else’s form.

Now, let’s get biblical, y’all.

In the beginning, when God creates everything from nothing, the Bible says things were “without form.” Then God gave them form, and voila! Planets! Oceans! Starbucks! And when he took a good look at all those forms he’d made, God “saw that it was good.”

With that in mind, try this: imagine God (or your idea of the divine) taking a good look at the utterly unique person you are. Then he pauses and says this about you: “It is goooooooood.”

In other words, your “form” is good for you and good for those around you.

Function follows form. So the next time you’re feeling lost, confused about your life’s purpose, or paralyzed with indecision while the clock ticks away, try doing the same:

Listen to what your form is telling you about what to do next.

Questions to think/talk/journal about:

  1. What other “forms” are you taking these days ? Can you see yourself as distinct from your parent’s form? Your pastor’s? Your employer’s? Your teacher’s? Your significant other’s?
  2. The only way to wholeheartedness (the Hebrew word is “shalom”) is by owning all of you. How can you more fully accept ALL of you? Are there parts being left out that need to be faced and embraced? Who can help you do that work?
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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO GO TO WORK

Hint: If You Think, You're Dead

I overthink everything and it’s rarely helped me. Especially when it comes to work.

For example…

When I was in my mid-20s I had the opportunity to teach 6th grade for a year. The position was offered to me because I had been subbing at a particular school when one of their sixth grade teachers quit after her first week, and another sixth grade teacher suddenly died.

I’m afraid this was the only way I could ever have qualified; I was the last (only) man standing.

I genuinely enjoyed the students, many of whom had daddies in prison, almost all of them on government assistance, and every single one of them hilariously preteen.

I loved making them laugh, occasionally teaching them something, connecting at a heart level, and telling them goofy ghost stories at science camp.

For MLK day, I got them to march silently out of the classroom and sit outside the administration’s office, nonviolently protesting something I made up for the event. The principal (who was genuinely our “pal” and a great guy) responded by calling out threats over the school’s loudspeakers. They were all very excited about the possibility of being arrested.

At the same time, I did not enjoy going to work early every day, creating lesson plans that needed weekly approval from the princi-pal, or maintaining an organized and disciplined classroom. “Organized” and “disciplined” are not my natural way of being in the world.

I also did not like the way my classroom smelled when all 32 of them piled back into my tiny portable classroom after PE on a hot spring day.

And besides all that, there are far easier ways to make that little money. (Can I get an “amen,” teachers?)

So when my alarm went off every weekday, I spent the first 5 minutes lying in bed desperately searching for an excuse not to go to work. The possibility of slashing my own tires, breaking my own leg, or pretending someone in my immediate family had been kidnapped all seemed perfectly reasonable.

But guilt, fear, guilt, anxiety, and guilt would get to me. Somehow I’d get dressed and drive to work, cursing both under and over my breath.

When I arrived at school, I’d sit in my Suzuki Samurai (Yes! Awesome!) for another 5 minutes. Here’s where I’d pull out all the stops and start bargaining with God.

Lord, if you could just give me a mild heart attack or a slightly burst appendix, something that wouldn’t kill me but would get me into a hospital room with a nice bed and various narcotics, then I’ll never ask for anything else ever again. Well, that and a wife. It would be cool to find a wife, too. Like maybe a hot doctor or nurse I’d meet in the ER during my mild heart attack?

God would then smile at me, wink, and remind me that he loved me even when I pouted like a 3-year-old. But I still had to go to work.

And then I would NOT think about NOT working until the school day was over.

Because I was just in it, I was simply doing the work. I was just moving from one lesson plan to the next, one period to the next, trying to be as present as possible, trying to give myself some grace because the truth is I wasn’t designed to be a schoolteacher, and the other truth is, it’s REALLY, REALLY HARD TO BE A SCHOOLTEACHER.

(BTW, I have the deepest respect for the men and women who do it well, day after day, year after year. But that’s not the point, even if it should be. Here’s the point.)

When you don’t want to go to work because you hate your job, hate your boss, feel overqualified, under-qualified, or hopelessly square-pegged into a round hole, do this:

Stop thinking so much. Follow the sage advice from the groundbreaking and poignant 1980s film, Top Gun: “If you think, you’re dead.”

You get to decide where your thoughts go (you really do), and the more time you focus on what you don’t want in life, the less you’ll end up with what you do want.

Do this instead:

  • Allow the thought come to your attention (it’s there, after all – you’d better acknowledge it or it will just get louder and louder).
  • But when it shows up, don’t argue with it. Don’t try to reason with it.
  • Simply take notice of it and say something like, “Hey, negative thought about work! I see you!” Now put it back on a mental shelf somewhere. That’s all the attention it deserves.

I’m not saying that if you feel like your job is a bad fit, you should mindlessly keep doing it anyway, for the rest of your life. There’s plenty of room here for the hard work of aligning your outer world with your inner wiring. I’m just saying the only way to find your way forward is to be present to what’s in front of you RIGHT NOW.

One step at a time where you’re at NOW will get you where you want to go faster than daydreaming about greener grass. (Don’t forget that negative thoughts are just as happy to show up at your dream job.)

For me, one day of showing up turned into another, and just like that, another week was gone.

Every week I learned more about myself, what I liked and didn’t like, what I was good at and what I should steer clear of. Even better, my showing up (even reluctantly) led to some wonderful memories with both students and teachers, and the growing confidence I could do hard things even when I really, really, really didn’t want to.

I hate to say it because it sounds cliche, but it couldn’t be more true: There are deep and lasting rewards found in just showing up. In not thinking too hard and just doing the work as best you can on that particular day with whatever resources you have at hand.

I promise that’s enough to take you where your heart most wants to go.

Just six months after stumbling into my role as a school teacher, a clear next step presented itself that would lead me to a different part of the state and an honest-to-goodness dream job. One I never could have found apart from showing up every day and learning not to overthink things.

Some questions to think/pray/journal about:

  1. What’s your negative thought of choice? Mine is, “What’s the point?” It’s important you recognize yours so it doesn’t get the best of you.
  2. If you had your dream job RIGHT NOW, you’d still be the person you are RIGHT NOW. What do you need to change about YOU that will get you/keep you moving toward your goals/dreams.
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HOW TO DEAL WITH THE NEGATIVE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD

You wouldn’t know it by looking at my Instagram feed, but sometimes I move through the world like I’m moving through a minefield: hyper-vigilant, sweaty with fear, and certain I’m about to be blown to bits at any moment.

I’m not kidding. I’ve got a whole world of weirdness inside of me that neither the Sierra or Hefe filters can improve.

As the result of my minefield-mindset, I tend to hold back – in relationships, pursuing my dreams, developing my gifts, giving generously, serving others.

Instead, my energy drifts toward daydreaming about my goals, avoiding intimacy, and pretending to be ok when I’m not.

How did I get this way?

How did I grow up into someone that often walks around with fists at the ready, eyes all squinty with suspicion, neck all tweaked from constant swiveling?

It’s a long story, but here’s the Cliff’s Notes:

A long time ago, I caught the sound of a small voice in a tiny corner of my mind. It made weird little squawks and, at first, I could ignore it as easily as I could attend to it.

But over the years I increasingly gave more of my attention to the voice in the corner.

As I got older, the voice got louder and more articulate. It started to make really convincing arguments about why I was unworthy of love and how I didn’t fit in like the rest of the kids. It provided endless evidence that I was fat and smelly and unable to talk to girls.

Eventually, the voice in the corner came to sound like TRUTH, like the only voice that could really be trusted. And for much of my life, I’ve let that voice boss me around.

The problem is, when we give our attention to the lies in our head, reality gets twisted. The reality of who we are, of how the world works, of who God is and how he feels about us. It all gets messed up.

At least it did for me.

But at some point – through therapy, prayer, reading, writing, small grouping, listening – a spotlight came on and lit up the voice the voice in the corner.

And it turns out the voice that sounded so massive and terrifying…is actually the size of a Malibu Ken doll.

Don’t get me wrong – Malibu Ken can be terrifying. That blank, drug-induced stare. That “neither male nor female” body.

But my point is, what felt bigger and stronger than me could actually be knocked over on to his smug little face with just the flick of a finger.

Are there whiny little plastic lies that have bullied you for a while? Maybe for years?

Here’s a secret: you don’t have to agree with those lies anymore.

You can “break agreement” with those lies. You can shine a spotlight on them. You can name them, deal with them, then punt them to the curb.

Then you can point and laugh at Malibu Ken and his crack-less butt, and get on with your life.

Because the truth is you were set free to live free. To enjoy freedom and share it with others. Not to crawl on the ground, praying you don’t trip a mine and piss off God. He’s not that kind of God, and he doesn’t want you to be that kind of person.

Remember, a condemning voice is a lying voice.

So stand up with me, shake off the dirt, and take a good hard look at whatever lie is tormenting you.

Do you believe you’re unworthy? That your past will always define you? That you’ll never get free of that bad habit or addiction? That you don’t deserve deep friendships or satisfying work? That God isn’t real, or worse, that he is real but he’s really grumpy and judgmental?

Say this – out loud if you need to – every time MK speaks up:

I break agreement with the lie that I (I’m) _____________. I refuse to listen to you anymore. Suck it, Malibu Ken.

Then get back to work enjoying your freedom and living as a freedom-distribution channel for others.